


The Shipment

by Scribe32oz



Series: Scribe's ATF Series [7]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribe32oz/pseuds/Scribe32oz
Summary: The boys discover a shipment they're not quite sure what to do with.A funny short in our troubled times.
Series: Scribe's ATF Series [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/882540
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	The Shipment

”So what are we going to do with it?” 

Chris Larabee threw a sidelong glance at JD Dunne, the youngest member of Team 7. 

They were standing by the side of the road, waiting for the local LEO’s to show up to take away their suspects to County until their transfer to Federal jail. It was cold with the temperature at minus 1, and light snowfall covered the lonely road they staked out, off I72. In truth, Chris had been dubious about the tip since Ezra’s informant had been scarce on details, revealing only it was a hot ticket item and there were two tonnes of it. 

It was bad enough the entire city of Denver was living out a Stephen King novel. With the pandemic of Corvid-19 gripping the world, shutting down services and keeping people home, it didn’t help that unscrupulous operators were taking advantage of the depleted state of law enforcement. Team 7 had carried out this operation on their own because local resources were limited. Not that they really needed the help, but the procedure had to be observed. In any case, what they found was not a cache of illegal weapons. 

It was toilet paper. _Two goddamn tonnes of toilet paper._

“What do you mean what are we going to do with it?” Chris eyed JD suspiciously. “It’s evidence.” 

“Yeah,” JD dropped his gaze from the open doors of the truck, revealing its ‘hot ticket’ shipment before clearing his throat, summing up the nerve to say what was on his mind. “It’s such a waste.” 

Chris shot him a Larabee death glare. “If you look closely, _Agent_ ,” Chris emphasized the last word. “You can see I’m NOT amused.”

“But there are two tonnes of the stuff,” JD exclaimed, aware Chris cared too much for his team to just kill him. At least while the rest of the seven were present. Although he did realize they were in a somewhat secluded area, where it was easy to hide a body. “I mean it will sit in impound until the case goes to court, and then it will probably be sent back to the manufacturer. We could just help ourselves to a few...”

“We’re _not_ talking about this,” Chris said abruptly. 

“Talking about what?” Buck Wilmington approached, having dealt with the driver of the vehicle by handcuffing the man to the door of his rig. The guy who looked like a motorcycle tough who’d passed his expiry date was still protesting his innocence, claiming he hadn’t really committed a crime. 

“About that,” Chris eyed the shipment, “and how it’s going to waste, no pun intended.” 

Buck laughed out loud and grinned at JD. “What, you’re down to ripping up the pages of your old Playboys? Cause if you’re desperate for supplies, I can help you,” Buck patted him on the shoulder. “I have a source.”

Vin, who approached with the rest of the team, heard the tail end of the conversation. “You have a source for _toilet rolls_?” 

“I need to hear this,” Ezra asked, needing some humour because he was slightly annoyed at this undignified bust coming from his own informant. Although if the truth were told, Pablo hadn’t been wrong about how valuable the cargo was. especially in these troubled times. “Where do you gain your supply of toilet rolls, I’m sure the housewives of America are waiting with bated breath.” 

Buck snorted. “just for that, you ain’t getting any.”. 

“Please, I have a guy too,” Ezra returned promptly. Knowing plenty of black market operators to keep him well furnished. 

“You do, _Luis_?” Vin smirked, remembering the funny little guy from the Ant-Man films. 

“So what’s your source Buck?” Chris had to ask, convinced it was going to be ridiculous. 

“I met this girl when I was at Smith Road last week,” Buck explained. “Her name is Brenda. We got to talking, and I took her to a couple of dinners, so now when I need supplies, she sneaks me some..” 

“Oh Lord!” Nathan burst out realizing what was along Smith Road and put two and two together, equaling disgust. “Buck. Does Brenda work at Walmart?”

Buck’s silence sent everyone into fits of laughter. 

“Oh my God,” Ezra exclaimed, having unravelled Buck’s Machiavellian plan even further. “Did you charm some poor minimum wage employee at Walmart with your dubious skills as a Lothario, so she would procure you toilet rolls?”

“Hey now,” Buck quickly protested, but there was just enough guilt to tell the others Ezra was right on the money. “I’d never do anything like that. I mean she has a nice personality, and after a few hours, you hardly notice that glass eye, or hair growing on that mole. Not to mention, she’s fascinating to talk to. I mean I never knew there was so much to learn about glass unicorns.”

“You have no shame,” Josiah shook his head in reproach, wondering how Brenda would feel she realized Buck was interested in only one thing. _Toilet rolls_. 

“Not to mention you better pray this thing is over quick,” Chris remarked. “Because if it lasts months, you could end up _married_.” 

“Hell,” Vin rolled his eyes. “If I’m gonna steal something from a shipment, it sure as hell ain’t gonna be John Wayne toilet paper..”

“John Wayne?” Nathan stared at the shipment once more and pointed out accurately. “They’re those cheap Jumbo Juniors. It’s like 1-ply.” 

Chris rubbed the bridge of his nose in anticipation of Vin’s answer. 

“That’s right,” Vin stated. “John Wayne toilet paper. It’s rough and tough, and don’t take shit off anybody.”

“Dear God,” Ezra groaned, thinking for the hundredth time, he needed a better class of friends. 

When the others had stopped laughing, JD cleared his throat and asked again. “So what are we going to do with it.” 

Chris growled. “Shut up JD.” 


End file.
